


a rose by any other name

by Elsey8



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Character Study, Extended Metaphors, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Names, Social Worker Akechi Goro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-05
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-18 04:27:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29852559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elsey8/pseuds/Elsey8
Summary: Goro Akechi and Akira Kurusu, in what they call one another over time and what exactly that means to them.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Comments: 8
Kudos: 59
Collections: sad goro hours





	a rose by any other name

Goro grows up as his mother’s son.

For the first few years of his life he’s her only child. It’s just the two of them together. Being her child is what he needs to be, her cute little baby she didn’t want and can’t provide for, only the burden bundled up in her arms. 

His name is Goro Akechi, but he only ever gets called the splitting image of his mother, or some other sweet thing that’s not his actual name. She calls him all sorts of things, from dear to kid to waste of space. 

He doesn’t need his own sense of identity, anyway. He doesn’t need anything of his own, that’s the lesson he has to learn early on. He wouldn’t have gotten anywhere being selfish initially. 

Goro likes to think he’s smarter than that, to need to be himself to get anywhere. To be comfortable in his own skin, who says he needs to be himself? He’s fine. 

He thrives being someone else as he bounces between foster homes for a few years. He’s the youngest for a while, the weakest, the dumbest. When that doesn’t suit his needs, he just gets stronger and smarter. That’s what the situation calls for, so that’s what he provides. It takes some hard work, sure, but what good thing comes without it anyway? If there’s anything he can do, it’s work hard. 

Goro Akechi molds himself out of stone with his own bare hands, carving into himself with nails and teeth until he comes out whatever he needs to be. 

On the other hand, when he finds out about Shido, he tears down his own image. Every carefully crafted edge comes undone just the second before he walks into that office to receive his new assignment. His new identity comes with a gun. It comes with a resolve, one who can and will do  _ anything.  _ He can be anyone. 

Wakaba calls him SubjectMeta09. He doesn’t know what that means, and he doesn’t really care to find out. He doesn’t want to know who came before him, or what she’s trying to do. He doesn’t need any of that information to do what Shido has asked of him. 

She just calls him “Nine” though. He thought it was nice, to be separated from the subject title, at the time he was just happy that he wasn’t...that he was something more to her. 

He didn’t even realize how much more dehumanizing it was to just be a number to her, but then again there were a lot of things he didn’t realize at the time. 

There were a lot of things he wouldn’t understand until much later, a lot of small and inconsequential things that would come back to haunt him years after they were over. 

She calls him “little one” right before he tears through her with the Persona she borderline tortured out of him. Shido didn’t tell him what would happen, he didn’t know she would die. 

But once she’s already dead, what difference does it make? 

Goro Akechi becomes the Detective Prince on a Monday. It’s the first Monday of the month, at about nine at night. The interview is the turning point in his career, in his position with Shido, in his  _ life.  _

The interview is only about thirty minutes long start to finish, with basic questions padding most of the run time. But still, that’s when he gets his title. That’s when he meets Sae, after the interview concludes. That’s the start of his end. 

Of course he would mark that as his start line, unaware of the ruin that would wait ahead on his path. Unavoidable, from the moment he started walking it. Goro used to pride himself on his intelligence, even as he made the most idiotic decisions he possibly could’ve. 

The first thing Goro thinks when he sees Akira is that he’s a little shit. When he stands up in that TV station and contradicts him, Goro only feels annoyed. There is no initial spark, nothing really inside of him other than some polite need to...appease him somehow. 

He thought it would make him look good to “befriend” or at least make amends with the person who disagreed with him. Maybe he could get some good publicity, or maybe he could change Akira’s mind. He didn’t really care what happened when he approached Akira, because either way he could at least have done something. 

He always hated doing nothing. 

That’s when he learns about Akira Kurusu, as simple as that should be. It’s a name, just a name. What should it matter? Nothing, Goro’s identity has never meant anything to him so why should he care any more about anyone else’s? 

He doesn’t. He didn’t. 

In his mind this is just  _ Kurusu.  _

He’s some random person Goro happened to meet, as interesting as he can be. It’s still not as if Goro would care about him anyway. Kurusu doesn’t mean a single thing to him. There’s nothing that really stands out about him at first, he’s just sort of there. He’s quiet, calm, and he always seems to say exactly what needs to be said at the right moment. That by itself is impressive, but it’s something Goro can do to a lesser extent. 

Goro considers it being a superpower for a good while, since he likes that better than the idea that Kurusu is just better than him. Then he reasons that that would be stupid, and childish, and Goro Akechi doesn’t believe in those things anymore. He should banish the thought, but it doesn’t quite leave his mind entirely regardless. It’s not something as easily controllable as that. Goro also isn’t the type to let things go so quickly. 

It’s obvious by the time the Phantom Thieves start on Kaneshiro’s Palace exactly what it is that’s going on. They aren’t subtle as is, and all the situations they put themselves in are far too telling. He’d pretty much been planning on slowly pulling himself back out of Kurusu’s life, he kept meaning to do that. To eventually stop seeking him out, texting him too often, and in general hanging out with him as if Goro wasn’t absolutely thriving on that attention and company. He was thinking too much about those hands in his hair, and the warmth of the glasses sitting on his face. 

When Kurusu proves himself of a use, when he’s an interest to Shido, that gives Goro an excuse. It’s an excuse with a time limit, something fatal running out between them that Goro just ignores furiously even though it’s right in front of him and it’s unavoidable and really he needs to just pick a side at this point but…

Kurusu knows who he is. Goro thinks he does, anyway. He has this strong sense of himself, the way he interacts with people and things, the way he carries himself. He seems confident in the Metaverse at least, and in certain situations it’s easy to tell how comfortable he’s made  _ himself  _ as well. Goro considers, for the second time, that he might have superpowers. He banishes the thought again. 

Still, it lingers. 

Kurusu knows what he’s doing. Goro is almost positive that Kurusu actually knows what  _ he’s  _ doing too. That he can see through the careful mask, through the lies and deceit, that all the deception between them is for nothing because Kurusu can just see him anyway. He thinks Kurusu knows what he’s planning, or at least has some idea. He thinks Kurusu doesn’t care. Of course, that’s terrifying.    
That’s exactly why Goro hates him, he has to hate him. Otherwise he’s just a terrifying monster that Goro likes to be seen by, who likes to see him even knowing everything. That’s more terrifying than hating him and needing to kill him. Goro has never killed another person in real life, so Kurusu would be his first, if that’s what it comes down to. That’s scary, but it’s less scary than keeping him alive. 

Goro is almost certain that’s what it’ll come down to when Shido tells him to kill Okumura. 

He does. He just does it, he stands in the crumbling Palace and he shoots him with no remorse. Okumura made him take more lives, he did worse than a lot of the targets Goro has had to take care of over the years, and frankly he deserved it. It wasn’t hard. Goro is fine. 

Kurusu gets tired after that, and he seems just...done with the world by the time Goro approaches him with his blackmail in hand. 

Goro may have thrown himself away years before, but a part of him still twinges in regret when Akira looks at him with the full force of someone who doesn’t have  _ time,  _ doesn’t have the  _ energy  _ for any of the things he’s asking of them. It makes Goro’s head pound. 

Joker is phenomenal. 

He’s more than phenomenal. He’s a good leader, a better fighter, an excellent navigator. He can do everything Goro can do in the Metaverse and more, able to delegate and pull together a full team of them. Joker does this like he was born to do it, like he’s been doing it his whole life even though Goro has been doing it longer. If Kurusu is a little shy and quiet, Joker is the complete opposite. His presence is dominating among them, he barks out orders with a certain ease and comfort. 

All Goro can do in the moment is follow his instruction and stay in the lineup the entire length of Sae’s Palace even though he’s the one who doesn’t belong. 

Joker holds a good amount of confidence, a certain knack for dramatics that Goro has never known Kurusu to possess. 

He’s never known Kurusu to possess much in the first place, always giving and giving more to others until Goro is sure he must run out. He doesn’t know where Kurusu runs out, but there’s got to be an end to it all, even if he can’t see it. 

Joker is the one who leads them forward, and he does it well. That’s fine, Goro is more than happy to follow him and get this Palace done with as fast as he can. They’re done early enough that Goro has far too much spare time in between their Palace run and the days ticking down until he’ll have to shoot Akira Kurusu dead in a cold interrogation room. 

Akira takes him out often in these times, even though Goro is getting more and more suspicious that he knows what’s about to happen. He’s nearly positive that Akira knows his plans, knows Goro is planning on killing him, and he still just...acts like everything is normal. Like things are good, even. 

They do everything together for a week and a half, in which Goro fights with himself. Whatever is left in himself. 

He doesn’t really know who he is after all this time of killing his true self every time it tries to resurface. 

He doesn’t know if he’ll like whatever’s underneath at this point. He’s scared of finding out what sort of thing has festered in him now, what’s going to bubble up from underneath his skin the second he stops and lets it all catch up to him. He’s scared of himself at this point, he doesn’t want to dig up that rotting corpse. 

He keeps moving and puts a bullet between Kurusu’s eyes. He doesn’t care. 

He doesn’t. 

He can’t. 

He’s  _ fine.  _

He keeps thinking of when Akira came toe to toe with him in the Metaverse just before their final infiltration. He thinks of the way he was looked at and seen, how there’s no way he didn’t  _ know.  _

It was Akira who met him there, and Goro thinks it was really him who matched that. Whoever he is now, whatever is left of him, Goro gave every inch of himself to Akira and he got it all back. 

Akira had this grin that sparked nothing but fire in Goro, he made Goro his own personal and perfect coffee, his eyes got this little twinkle whenever he smiled genuinely at something. He had this nervous tic where he would push his hair back and tug at it, one where he’d push his glasses up with his knuckles, another where flex his fingers in his pockets. 

Akira sometimes took off his glasses when they were together. On quiet nights, when Sojiro went out and it was just them sitting in Leblanc, sometimes doing their own things or doing something together. Akira would slide his glasses off his face, fold them up, and set them aside without a word. 

Goro never really knew who he was, who he is now. But it was easy for him to take his gloves off and set them to the side to put them on equal ground. It was easy to not have to  _ be  _ anyone for Akira. He could just...do what he wanted. Even if that was telling Akira he was busy and just working on his own, he’d just get his coffee replenished just before it emptied and food at the end of it all. Even if that was playing chess and getting way too competitive. Even if that was telling Akira he couldn’t make it that night, everything was just them and it felt so  _ normal _ . 

That’s who Goro is missing now. Akira. Akira Kurusu, Joker, Leader, a delinquent, whatever he’s called. Everything he was is gone, and Goro took it all for some stupid plan he doesn’t want a part of anymore. 

What is he supposed to do with that? 

He can’t take it back. So he shoves it down in the space he keeps his mother’s death and any childish delusions, and he just keeps going. 

He weaponizes the hurt when he faces Akira again in the engine room. The first moment he sees him, realizes that he’s alive, he considers just giving it up. Throwing it all away on Akira Kurusu. As tempting as it is, it doesn’t matter. He’s done too much to feel worthy of forgiveness, even if he wanted to. 

All he has room left for is fire, so that’s all he can give to Akira even though he  _ aches _ .

And then something happens. The next thing he remembers, he’s in jail. 

In Maruki’s false reality, Goro has no way to think about anything or anyone other than Akira Kurusu. Joker. The Leader who is guiding him through this mess. 

In a way, Goro can’t help but see every part of Akira during this time. He doesn’t really have a choice not to, not with everything that’s going on. He can’t avoid this anymore, he can’t dodge around what he’s feeling. 

It’s this weird combination of Goro actually looking and Akira actually showing that’s going on, and it leads to something...so vulnerable between them. 

Goro feels seen, again, and he doesn’t know if he really likes it anymore. It feels a little daunting, a little intimidating to be a part of this give and take. It seems dangerous to be so close at the end of things, when Goro knows this can’t mean anything good. He doesn’t remember what happened after that door shut between them. 

So Goro is well aware this won’t last, that when they take down Maruki it’s all over. He knows it from the beginning, and the night Maruki spills it all to Akira he wonders if that’s it. 

All it takes is big eyes and a murmured, “Please, Akira.” 

They win when they fight Maruki, easily. 

But it’s not over. As much as Goro just wishes things could end and be simple, that’s not how his life ever gets to work. 

He doesn’t ever get to  _ rest.  _

He just has to pick himself back up and go at it all over again. Like he always has, he shifts to fit the new circumstances and settles there. 

He’s exhausted, and yet he still just throws himself back into it. 

He doesn’t think about Akira Kurusu. He doesn’t have to, there’s nothing that says he owes Akira his life back. He wants to move on, and he knows he can’t with Akira. He comes up with a list of pros and cons even, he really considers it and he’s sound in his decision to leave Akira at least for later. If not never. 

He stays away, he finds out who  _ he  _ wants to be now. Who Goro Akechi will become as he moves forward in his life, separate from any of the lives he’s led before. He shifts to fit himself, even if he isn’t very happy with who that is. 

He manages himself fine. He’s fine. 

Even if every step forward is difficult for him, even if every step is agony. He still works to move past what he can, and come to peace with what he can’t. Anything leftover just stews where it is and he doesn’t have much other choice but to leave it alone. 

He listens for Akira’s name where he can, but he doesn’t hear anything. All seems quiet on that end, so Goro tries to put it out of his mind and keep pushing. 

He gets a psychology degree and goes straight into social work. He’s thought about doing it for a while, about being able to help kids like him. 

If Goro can save just one kid from his life, it’s worth it. He can feel like he’s done something good. If he can save as many kids as he ruined, then maybe he can start to forgive himself for some of the things he did. 

He likes it. It feels right for him, he’s good at it, he cares about the cases he gets. The families he meets remind him in small ways of his own, and he takes great care in helping them. 

With every little thing he gets to do, he feels better about his past. 

When a little boy with long brown hair and big eyes says he doesn’t know what he’d have done without Goro...he feels well enough. 

He feels well enough then that he can look for Akira again. It doesn’t take long, he tracks him back to a small town that must be where he lived before moving to Tokyo. It is odd to Goro that he’d return and stay there though, after how much he thrived in the city. 

Maybe he opened his own cafe, or maybe he’s gotten a house there, or maybe there’s just something more interesting about his hometown than Tokyo. Whatever it is, that’s definitely where Akira Kurusu has been for the past few years. Of course Akira would do something like this, come back to his roots in this way. That’s who Akira is. 

Goro is...excited to see him again. 

He flags down the first person he sees to ask about Akira. It’s a woman walking down the street, probably around middle age, dressed fairly nicely with a bag slung over her shoulder. She seems friendly enough that he’s comfortable catching up with her. 

“There’s a man named Akira Kurusu who lives here, I’m looking for him. We’re...old friends, sort of. Do you know where he is? Could you take me to him?”

“Oh no, another one looking for that poor boy. Come on, dear.”    
The woman starts to lead him immediately, the opposite way down the road, and all he can do is hurry after her. They turn down a quiet road, and he feels his heart sinking as they walk through the archway into a graveyard. 

It’s a small one, he doesn’t even see the gravekeeper’s grounds anywhere nearby. 

It would be like Akira to clean up graves, or work somewhere odd like this. Maybe his parents passed recently, or maybe…

_ I’m coming home. _

_ Akira Kurusu _

_ 1999-2019 _

Is what the gravestone says.

Goro doesn’t cry, he doesn’t yell, he doesn’t even feel anything aside from the static inside his heart. 

Goro just leaves, he walks back out the graveyard only to return when he has darkness as a cover. He rereads the words on the gravestone over and over, the  _ I’m coming home  _ engraving taunting him. He wonders...what happened. What the quote means(he knows what it means). He wonders how this happened three years ago and he never knew. How something so big could slip between his fingers, how he could possibly think Akira would be waiting around for him forever. He wonders if it was his fault(it had to have been). 

He sits in front of the grave, sets the single rose he got on top of it, and he stays until he can use his legs well enough to stand and start heading back home. He lets the static take over his heart, and he wonders if he’ll ever be able to feel that way again(he won’t). 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for the angst, I know it's a bit...different from my usual stuff, but regardless! Hope you enjoyed  
> If you did like this, feel free to come talk to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Elsey_8)


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